The Chronicles of Mingo

Mingo — Guilt, Grief, and The End

This will be a short post. I’ve put it off for six weeks, because I couldn’t bear to write it. But it’s not getting any easier, so I might as well do it and get it over with.

As most of you already know, Mingo’s gone. I let him out into the yard in the early evening on June 27th and he never came back. I don’t know whether he managed to get under the fence or climbed over — I think he left voluntarily, but something happened and he never came back.

I’ve been torturing myself daily, hourly, with horrible scenarios of him being lost, starving, trapped, tortured, dying. It’s not getting easier.

Almost worse than all that is the guilt: I should have put up a cat-proof fence. I didn’t. I’m not really sorry I let him out, because he was so happy to be outside. He loved it. He stopped tormenting the other cats. But I should have found the money and put up the fence. It’s my fault he’s gone.

Ming’s the first cat I’ve lost in 20 years. My actual outside cat, Goldie, lived in the garage and yard (and all over the neighborhood) for seventeen years and died in the yard of a heart attack. My other two stay within the fence and my Siamese is 18 years old. But Mingo was, as you all know, independent and aggressive and self-willed and ballsy. It took him over the fence and away.

I miss him. The house is so empty, despite the other two cats. I miss him so much.

Mary Holland

Mary Holland writes alternative-world fantasy for grown-ups. Her books include Matcher Rules, The Bone Road, and The Dog of Pel. She lives in the Santa Cruz Mountains with three cats and an ever-changing assortment of wildlife.

2 thoughts on “Mingo — Guilt, Grief, and The End”

  1. oh no! I just saw this post after I left a comment on the other one.

    sorry, so insensitive and thoughtless of me.

    I’m so sorry about mingo.

    • Please, don’t feel bad. They are marvelous cats, although keeping up with them can be an experience. I still miss Ming, the little devil, and I probably always will. I hope your boy does well — people always underestimate their ages because they can’t believe how big they get. Best of luck to you!

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